I need to state from the beginning that this post is the result of a very personal situation and it does not approve or disapprove this very controversial issue. It is not for me to judge other people’s decisions but this thought, which I will share, has been on my mind for a long time.
Yesterday I decided to share it, as crazy as it might seem, for the only reason that I hope it might help someone out there in the world because I know these posts are read in over 124 countries.
This “situation,” has to do with my birth. Those of you who know me personally, or read The Gypsy Saw two Lives, or the first 100 posts of The Nude Truth, know that my life was NEVER EASY. Crisis after crisis, to the point that I wondered if I lived in a soap opera.
Positive thinking? I believe that without a good attitude I would not exist today.
I kept asking myself: WHY? WHY things that come so easy to most people don’t come to me? Why do I have to climb mountains and as I think I reached the peak fall all the way down at the bottom and start climbing again. My life reminded me of the Greek legend of Sisyphus.
In all these life trials, no matter how difficult and unexpected, somehow, I was helped and supported by friends, which I call Angels, and manage to continue this journey called life. I felt that no matter how hard, a Divine hand always pulled me out of hopeful situations. That didn’t mean I didn’t do my part of struggles to stay afloat. As the saying goes, “God helps those who help themselves.” I knew I had to give it all and I did and continue to do.
However, WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD?
I have been thinking of this a lot and some of you might think I am crazy, but to find an explanation for life’s hardships, my mind went back to the way I came into this WORLD.
Here is the story:
My mother, a medical doctor in communist Romania, where people barely could afford one child, had several abortions. The year before I was born, she was pregnant with a boy who was supposed to come into this world. However, my Mom, an ophtalmologist, while she was pregnant with the boy, had a patient who came to see her with her baby, born with NO EYES. Two holes. I was never told the details of what happened, but after that consult my mom decided to abort the boy.
A year later I was allowed to manifest into this world! The first disappointment was that I was a girl!
I am using the word “manifest” for a reason…
What do I mean?
Here is my belief. Please don’t hate or love me for it and don’t think I am crazy because sanity is only a perception.
My theory requires a belief in the existence of the SPIRIT. Of the fact that we are more than an organized body of flesh and bones which dies when our “packaging,” our bodies become dust or ashes.
With that believe in mind, I concluded that it was difficult from the beginning to “manifest” into this world, as planned by a Higher Power. I don’t know, but what if there is a spirit which is meant to be birthed into this world? What if the same spirit, embodied in me, is the same which tried to manifest each time mom had an abortion?
I feel it was hard even before I was born and that “spirit,” who was sent back so many times, yet managed to manifest in me, at last, must be here for a reason…
This very personal theory makes me try to lead a meaningful life. It has been so hard, it must be for a good reason.
I am still trying to understand it, so I may do what I am meant to do.
Because the way I was born, I never considered abortion as a personal option. However I believe in birth control and counseling of both people who are thinking to bringing a life into this world and mothers who feel they could not take care of a babies.
In conclusion, I believe the essence who lives in me, “the same spirit” tried to manifest on Earth several times and was sent back… where? I don’t know, but this process resulted in hardships once this spirit was finally allowed on Earth.
The positive side is that from the very beginning to be here required perseverance and this is the gift God gave me in this life and I am using it to the best of my abilities as I continue to get up and climb again up the mountain of life.
NEVER GIVE UP, NO MATTER HOW HARD!
Please share your thoughts on this topic. I would really appreciate to learn how you feel.
When I was 12 years old I became pregnant for the first time. The pediatrician who saw me (as I was a child) diagnosed that my body was not mature enough to carry a baby to full term. He advised aborting, and that is what my mother had me do. This started me toward a lifetime of using abortion as a birth control method. I have had 8 abortions all together. That means I have killed eight people. Eight people who I probably would have enjoyed meeting. I also have had one live birth and one miscarriage. This is the average number of abortions mandatory in China. I am “a sorrow.” My children are dead. I killed them. I don’t know how or if I will ever attain absolution. I cannot ever undo what I have done.
Here is a poem a wrote about it:
Sorrow As a Noun
There is a word for a child
whose parents are dead: an orphan.
There is a word for a woman
whose husband is dead: a widow.
There is a word for a man
whose wife is dead: a widower.
What about the mother
whose child is dead: a sorrow.
What about the father
whose child is dead: a sorrower.
I am a sorrow. My children are dead.
I was selfish and evil, and personally my behavior is abhorrent to me. Do I believe in a woman’s right to choose safe and legal abortion as a lifestyle option? Absolutely. Do I believe it is an ethical and moral choice? No. If it comes down to whether someone has been raped and is pregnant as a result, yes, abortion should be an alternative. Also, in the case of incest, or childhood sexual abuse, a child conceived in this situation may well be aborted to save the mother the undue trauma of birthing the child. In all other cases, such as the hardcore sexual promiscuity I was guilty of doing, the children should be born in order to not only save the kids souls, but to give those unable to conceive a chance to have a child who will be loved and cherished. If anyone has any questions concerning abortion, killing, guilt or would like to discuss abortion further, please e-mail me courtesy of email@example.com. HUGS
My fiancee Rob says that there is such a being as “botchlings” and they are comprised of the souls of children who have been aborted. They are supposed to carry the sins of the parents, and because they were not born they cannot atone for the sins. They are inherently disquiet and troublesome. I am not sure how I feel about this particular mythology, but it may be worth exploring.
Thank you for sharing with us this most personal and life-changing experience. You were 12 years old, a baby yourself! Your story is valuable “food for thought.” I was unaware of the mythology about botchlings, but will definitely explore. Thanks again. Big hug. Rodica