The Tests of True Friendship

How do you define friendship?
Are your friends the people you invite to your home for drinks and dinner and to reciprocate they invite you back?
Are they those you go out with on vacations and split the costs? Even at times it’s all on you, or on them, knowing the gesture will be reciprocated because everyone in your circle of friends has equal means?
Who are your friends and beyond having “fun” together, have you tested the depth of your relationship?

My concept of friendship and its true meaning was defined early on. It wasn’t even about my friend, so thankfully the hurt was indirect, yet, still there, as a reminder…
When I was about ten years old, my father, a violent, active alcoholic, came home late at night and hit my mother. We barely escaped his violence and made it to a public phone, as in those times the world had not even dreamed of cell phones. It was dangerous to return home and mother called her best friend. The phone rang, and rang and her sleepy friend picked up at last. I saw my mother crying, trying to explain between sobs what has happened. Then there was silence. My mother was listening to her friend. In my mind of a ten-year old I knew we needed help. We needed shelter for the night and I was certain, my Mother’s friend would offer it. After all, I thought, we spent holidays together, even lovely vacations on the Black Sea…
My mother hang up the phone: ” Coca,” Mom explained, “was asleep… it is so late, she said to never call so late, under any circumstances!”
She took my hand and held it tight. We walked slowly in the night, as slowly as possible, awaiting the sun raise and light in our lives!

In those moments, walking through the dark, hoping for light, I sworn never to allow such people into my life. I made the decision to always be there for those I call friends but always to travel a two way street.

If you are committed to someone 24/7 unconditionally, the relationship must be reciprocated to be called a friendship. Otherwise, one is the “giver,” the other, “the taker.”

However, true friendship is a fine line to walk on a journey as long and complex as life…
Many times a friend falls off the social or financial status which brought you together in the beginning. Do you abandon your friend, or she, you?

Misfortunes, illnesses, financial disaster or both, as one could, and does trigger the other, might happen to anyone when you least expect it.
Are you ready to be there for your friend and is your friend ready and willing to help you unconditionally?
The TEST of true friendship could be called THE MID-NIGHT Test!
Are you and your friend willing to help each other if one of you needs help when is inconvenient for the other and no pay back is expected?

Please share your opinions and experiences concerning true friendships, so that we all learn.
Always remember, if you need emotional support about a difficult situation in your life, feel free to contact me.
God bless.

Rodica M

Holiday Anxiety, Expectations and How to Achieve Peace of Mind

A few weeks ago I signed up for Keith Matthew’s Quote of the Day. I’m the “type” who signs up for many “inspirational” programs because I need constant food for thought. At the beginning, just as in the case of new relationships, the programs are WHAT I thought they would, but after a while they don’t seem to sustain the trial of time or may be my expectations are unrealistic. For one reason or another often I unsubscribe. It is as easy as “unfriending” a Facebook friend who wasn’t a friend to start with. A trial and error, more error, unfortunally, but the few worthy friends or inspiration I keep and cherrish long term, makes it okay to be disappointed by some and move on!

Quote of the Day, by Keith Matthew is one of these fortunate exceptions!

Every morning I look forward to reading the Quote because it puts old things in a few perspective and makes me use “neuropaths” less travelled.
Today’s Quote for instance, fit perfectly the anxiety pattern the Holiday Season stirrs in me, and I know, in many others!
We are conditioned by our culture of excessive pozitivism to deny such feelings of sadness or anxiety. However, it is scientifically proven that reciting to ourselves or others positive affirmations which our subconscious mind knows are not true, is not helpful! In other words pretending to be happy might not be healthy afterall.
I believe there is an undercurrent of anxiety created by expectations, especially at this time of the year, I decided to share today’s Quote, which is:

You are not in this WORLD to live up to others expectations, nor should you feel the WORLD must live up to yours!” F. Perl

I always thought of these two statements separately, but having both together, brought a new, richer and deeper meaning to both and reinforced the belief that the best way to travel in life is on a two way street.
It highlights the truth that unless we make peace with the self, true peace is not possible. However, this is not enough, we also need to learn and stand on our own and not expect an outside force to “save” us from ourselves.
Ultimately, the only person who is with us 24/7 is the self and only when we achieve happiness in our own company, we could honestly say we are truly happy.
Selfsufficiency and no expectations from outside sources are the secrets to peace of mind.
Sounds simple, but it is one of the most difficult accomplishments in life!
If our own company is the best and the company of others is just a bonus we appreciate, but could live without. If we could be at peace without worrying that the WORLD is not giving us what we expect, or we are limitted in our material resources to give to the WORLD all that we would like, or WHAT it experts, only then the undercurrent if anxiety will stop! If we stop expecting we could “expect” true inner peace!

This Holiday Season, may we all be blessed with the Faith that we are enough and to expect nothing from the world and by following the laws of no expectations to acheive true happiness and piece of mind!