The Tests of True Friendship

How do you define friendship?
Are your friends the people you invite to your home for drinks and dinner and to reciprocate they invite you back?
Are they those you go out with on vacations and split the costs? Even at times it’s all on you, or on them, knowing the gesture will be reciprocated because everyone in your circle of friends has equal means?
Who are your friends and beyond having “fun” together, have you tested the depth of your relationship?

My concept of friendship and its true meaning was defined early on. It wasn’t even about my friend, so thankfully the hurt was indirect, yet, still there, as a reminder…
When I was about ten years old, my father, a violent, active alcoholic, came home late at night and hit my mother. We barely escaped his violence and made it to a public phone, as in those times the world had not even dreamed of cell phones. It was dangerous to return home and mother called her best friend. The phone rang, and rang and her sleepy friend picked up at last. I saw my mother crying, trying to explain between sobs what has happened. Then there was silence. My mother was listening to her friend. In my mind of a ten-year old I knew we needed help. We needed shelter for the night and I was certain, my Mother’s friend would offer it. After all, I thought, we spent holidays together, even lovely vacations on the Black Sea…
My mother hang up the phone: ” Coca,” Mom explained, “was asleep… it is so late, she said to never call so late, under any circumstances!”
She took my hand and held it tight. We walked slowly in the night, as slowly as possible, awaiting the sun raise and light in our lives!

In those moments, walking through the dark, hoping for light, I sworn never to allow such people into my life. I made the decision to always be there for those I call friends but always to travel a two way street.

If you are committed to someone 24/7 unconditionally, the relationship must be reciprocated to be called a friendship. Otherwise, one is the “giver,” the other, “the taker.”

However, true friendship is a fine line to walk on a journey as long and complex as life…
Many times a friend falls off the social or financial status which brought you together in the beginning. Do you abandon your friend, or she, you?

Misfortunes, illnesses, financial disaster or both, as one could, and does trigger the other, might happen to anyone when you least expect it.
Are you ready to be there for your friend and is your friend ready and willing to help you unconditionally?
The TEST of true friendship could be called THE MID-NIGHT Test!
Are you and your friend willing to help each other if one of you needs help when is inconvenient for the other and no pay back is expected?

Please share your opinions and experiences concerning true friendships, so that we all learn.
Always remember, if you need emotional support about a difficult situation in your life, feel free to contact me.
God bless.

Rodica M

The Party, The Guests and The Host!

We were in Bucharest, Romania, when Eastern Europe was communist.

We had just turned eighteen, my high school boyfriend and I and with the wisdom typical of that age group, we eloped and got married!

Shortly after, still enveloped in our “daze of independence” we were hopping from party to party, especially on weekends.

One Saturday evening, we were invited to a party in an apartment complex where several of our friends lived. On the outside, the complex was grey, gloomy. The main entrances and windows looked desolate but there was a lot of life and happiness once the doors to the apartments’ opened…

We rang the bell to our friend’s apartment, where the party was about to start. It was a little early, so when another guest, a mutual friend of ours and the host’s, opened his door, we were relieved she had arrived at the party before us!

She smiled a little surprised. She probably didn’t know we were invited at this party. That was okay… I smiled back, reassuringly.The three of us sat on a sofa and chatted, as we waited for the Host who was probably finishing up in the kitchen.

I launched into telling a story to avoid the silence. My throat was dry. Where are the drinks? I wondered. Where was the Host? How rude, to have a guest open the door to his apartment and have guests entertain one another! He really shouldn’t have a party if he is such a poor Host!!!

The friend who opened the door for us fidgeted increasingly.
No wonder, I thought, she is nervous! Doesn’t know how to handle this embarrassing situation. To try and entertain us, when she, herself is a guest! She and the Host, barely knew each other. I fact, we barely knew him. The Host had some nerve to be unprepared and let guests entertain themselves…

I glanced at my watch. It was getting late. Where were the other guests?

My husband and I “exchanged meaningful looks.”

The conversation continued to dragged. Our friend barely answered my questions about the weather any more… She didn’t seem to care my forecast was rain!

After about half an hour, in desperation, I flattered her:

“How nice of you to open the door for us!”

“Oh you’re welcome, but now I have to leave.” she said and stood up.

“?????”

“I don’t mean to be rude,” she continued,” but wasn’t expecting you… at my apartment. I was going out when you rang the bell. Going to “X” party, on the 3rd floor.”

… and you know what followed:)

Oh… well thank God we were all invited. Over the years this became a treasured memory of how foolish we were and yet survived!

Happily Ever After:
The three of us took the elevator to the third floor, rang the door bell and the right Host opened the right door to the right apartment. After all, there was a party and the door opened at last! There were drinks too!

Many thanks to Karen Salmansohn’s post “If it does not open, it’s not your door (xo notsalmon.com) which was posted on my Home Feed, on Facebook and triggered my memory and desire to share this true story from my youth.

Re-gifting!! What Could Happen??? Some post-Holiday thoughts…

We are in the post-Holiday Season… have you thought about RE-GIFTING  any of your less fortunate presents? Please read on…

When one of my daughters was a teen, she was in the hospital, and her friends and my friends went to visit her. Some brought cards, some flowers, some other gifts to cheer her up.

One of my friends, who had just had a baby and I was grateful she took the time to visit, brought her a beautiful white and gold lap blanket. My daughter liked it, but it didn’t become her “security blanket,” as she was passed that age. So, she wrote my friend a thank you note and when she left for college the blanket was left behind.

A while after that event, completely unrelated to it, I went to a women’s church retreat. The church members were allowed to bring friends who were not members, but our personal friends, and many of us did.

The retreat was on the shore of the Atlantic, so we took a group- walk, about 15-20 women. It happened that an unknown woman to me, a friend of a church friend, walked at the same pace. We introduced ourselves and continued to walk and of course, talk.

As we knew nothing about each other, my companion told me a little about herself, especially that she was very hurt by the lack of thoughtfulness of a woman whose children she babysat. In fact, she was so hurt that she was looking for another job!

“What happened?” I asked. “It must have been serious…”

“Indeed, VERY hurtful!” she said, and continued… “The other day, I was cleaning her desk and here there was this… note… I read the note and this person was thanking my employer for the beautiful white and gold lap blanket! I MADE that blanket for one of her babies. I poured my heart in it, and SHE just gave it away to a stranger, whoever Amy is!”

I froze and became very silent, as Amy was my daughter and the “thoughtless employer,” my friend who re-gifted the lap blanket.

I changed the conversation to a less touchy topic and never confessed to my walk-companion the strange, unlikely connection between myself, my friend, the re-gifter, and the woman I had just met!

The lesson?  The purpose of this story was to illustrate the unlikely, but possible consequences of re-gifting.

Life takes us on a winding road, with twists we cannot predict. If  and when we consider re-gifting, it is wise to expect and be prepared for the unexpected, because this is how real life works… and ultimately all we could control is our reaction to what happens in our life, good, bad, or hurtful.

Friendship…a deeper look into its true meaning

In an age when we accumulate Facebook friends as a sign of popularity, I have been asking myself, what is the true definition of friendship.
The first question that came to mind was it a matter of convenience.
To be more specific, is a real friend only helping you when is convenient for him or her, or when YOU need the help.
The 2nd question which came to my mind was, do they offer you food because they like to cook, instead of a blanket knowing you are cold, not hungry.

In other words, is it a friendship of convenience or true need and thoughtfulness for the other person.
Most importantly, TO HAVE A FRIEND, ONE MUST BE A FRIEND. IT IS A TWO WAY STREET.
True friendship overcomes distance, time, even political or religious differences. After all, we all have the same matters of the heart and human emotions to share all and support one another in times of need.
In the event someone still wonders if friends are those one parties with… sorry but the test is not in how many shots we drink together, but if you got up at 2 AM to take me to the hospital when I needed it, and I am doing the same for you when is inconvenient for me.
The proverb says, God gives us our relatives, we chose our friends.
Chose wisely and enjoy lifelong friendships.

Birthday Roses

Rodica ‘s Birthday 2013