Internet Dating – A Woman’s Perspective

On July 31, 2013, on this blog I published “Internet Dating-A Woman’s Perspective- The Man from Ghana.
Since then, the article was read by hundreds of people around the world. What follows may be considered Part II of the July 31, 2013 post, and as everything written on The Nude Truth, this story is true.

It seems to be cyclical, every two years, my curiosity to discover what is happening out there, in the internet “dating” world. This time, I started my research with the clear goal to learn, so that I could write an informed post to help others and see the humor in what is happening in the internet dating world. The Ghana man experience from 2013 was enough. As they say, “fool me once, fool me twice…”

I was online for a total of 7 days before I deleted my profile. In one week, I received 161 “views,” 93 “likes,” and 47 messages.

Before I joined a couple of sites, I Googled:
Top Internet Dating Sites, and the search produced five sites. Among them, Match.com and OKCupid, etc.

I checked out several other paid sites, not listed in the top five, which advertised “free memberships,” but in reality, a “free profile,” was not made public until one paid! Not that free, after all.

Still, it helped me determine an important fact: I checked out a few men and women’s profiles. What struck me was that most women desired a relationship within 10 to 50 miles from their homes, while the men wanted long distance relationships, ranging from 700 miles to 3,000! The conclusion is yours!

The top five sites, each, had clients’ ratings listed next to them and the most ratings were given by OKCupid, which is a free dating site, on which one could use their Facebook account to sign up. Easy and your privacy is guaranteed…

I signed up on OK Cupid, which was free.
Within minutes, I received so many messages that I had to turn off my laptop, take a deep breathe and relax, or rather focus on reality: Who were all these people? Was I THAT attractive? Really!!!
To mind came the women on the Dr. Phil Show, who sent hundreds of thousands of dollars to men they never met, outside the USA.
Well, that would not me, definitely, as I have difficulty comprehending the concept of someone becoming destitute believing in the illusion of so called “love…”

How could one fall in love with a picture? A Voice? How about chemistry? My definition of chemistry is one reaches out and shakes a hand, gets a hug. A direct, undeniable attraction between two people. Still, people do fall in love with the idea of love, and sadly, despite the clear warnings on ALL DATING SITES, to not send money abroad or to people one meets on the Internet, people still repeat the mistake!

Anyway, what have I experienced during this one week adventure on the internet dating scene?

At least 1/4 were men who presented profiles featuring pictures of themselves (may be, but I doubt) their child or children or an older parent. I guess the idea was, they cared. they were good family men.
90% of those with whom I exchanged messages told me they were widowed and were single parents. It was painful and hard!!!

The ONE FEATURE THEY HAD IN COMMON:
The initial profiles stated they were in the United States, but after a second email exchange, they “entrusted” me with a secret: THEY WERE ON A SPECIAL MISSION, ABROAD!!!

All, wanted to take the chat off the dating site and offered Facebook accounts, to friend me and chat. I insisted on me getting their information, which they were happy to oblige.

I checked out one Facebook account. A “pilot!” Yes, you read it correctly. An Air Force officer, putting his life out on a limb for you and I! Wow! How lucky could a woman get after being on line less than 48 hours?LOL
On a thorough examination of his Facebook account, it became clear he started the FB account a few months ago and, how silly is this? On the public timeline, there were messages from various women stating how much they missed him, as he was in the air, I guess…

What else? Oh, yes! The profiles were written in good English but as the back and forth emails started, the more they wrote, the worse their English became. It must have been the anxiety of finding love!

After three days of figuring out the “outside of the USA segment,” I wrote a paragraph on my profile, under the Heading, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? (my life, that was!)
I stated, the one thing I was not doing was interested in overseas relationships.
The overseas secret mission people stopped emailing me!

A much smaller, local segment continued to write. The only one which I would mention, was a man who wrote:

“I am a former intelligent, Intelligence Agent… etc” Then he told me he was also a pilot and had his own plane and was just about to go “take off for an hour or so, just to be in the air,” but what HE didn’t know, was the web site showed me every time someone checked my profile. So, while he was “in the air,” the dating site alerted me he was checking my profile. It was funny, but forgivable, since he stated from the beginning, he was “FORMER INTELLIGENT.”

I was tempted to keep going for a while, but the local pilot, asked a question which determined me to end the budding relationship and delete my account.

He asked: Do you own or rent? Is it an apartment, or a house?
How was this his business? Was he fishing for free housing? Oh… may be he wanted to buy me a house and I missed the opportunity!

So… I guess this is all for now. If you wish to receive free tips to improve your daily living, please follow us by signing up in the email box to the right.

We ALWAYS appreciate your comments and shares of experiences. This is how we all learn and better our lives and do it in a light, humorous way.

Best wishes for a lovely weekend!
Rodica

Dating After You Turn 50!

Dating  in any age group could be a challenge.

Each age group seeks something else from a “potential” partner.

I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager, and as ALL teenagers I saw myself  immortal and knew it all, I ignored all the advice given to me by those that “knew.” I eloped and got married! What were my needs at 18? Definitely sexual, as now, I know enough  about the role hormones  in our love decisions. Then, I thought it was “love.” Now I know it was “lust.”

When I turned 30 I was  already divorced from the first “love of my life.”

In a new environment, I started dating and also reading every statistic in Women’s Magazines which assured me once a woman turned 30 her chances of finding a partner went down drastically. Hmm… bad news, but against the statistical odds, I re-married and we had two beautiful daughters. What were my needs at that time? I definitely knew I didn’t know it all, I also had different goals, such as having children with a trustworthy partner. Was sex still playing a great role? You bet! That’s how kids are conceived.

Years went by, the children grew up, the second “love of my life,” died, and here I was again, single and in my fifties…

Hmm… did I think I knew it all? No. Were my hormones raging to the point of confusing lust with love? No. Did I want to get pregnant and raise more children? Oh… well that would have been a miracle. No miracle happened.

On the other hand, after a few years of being by myself, and enjoying the company of my parrot and three dogs, I did consider starting to date again. What was I looking for?

Someone with a sense of humor, trustworthy and like-minded. Such as what? To like travel, shows and sometimes going out or having friends over. Oh! And to love  children and dogs. Yes, this was a requirement, as I don’t trust people who don’t like children and animals. Call me prejudiced.

I thought  this was a reasonable “wishful list,” as I was prepared to reciprocate everything I sought in a potential companion. I knew a good  relationship is a two-way street and I only travel on this “type” of streets.

And… where was I going to find these  “potential” men? I don’t go to bars, I don’t go to a church of single people… Thank God for internet dating sites, right?

I was soon to find out that the age groups I attracted were either much younger, looking for a “mama,” or someone to pay their bills, men my age who who were used to have sex on a first date, possibly in the back of a car, if it was spacious enough, or men 30 years older then me, who were on the verge of investing in the diaper industry.

After serious consideration, I gave up  looking for a male companion.

Why? Perhaps because I have learned valuable life lessons and  in my fifties I looked for a soul connection, rather than a “must” have partner to satisfy the sexual needs I had at 18, or the need to have children, a status and a husband if we are 30 and still seeking that perfect partner.

My personal conclusion is that we are wiser and deeper after fifty.

We know not only what we need from another, but what we could realistically offer to a  committed companion. We don’t have the need to get married or have children. In this age group the main need is for companionship, meaning and soul connection. Well, sex is a constant, in all age groups, but it gains a different meaning as we grow wiser, just as good wines get better with age.

Is it worth it to be selective? Which would you rather be? Alone, or rather “single,” with your friends, hobbies and pets, or not alone but lonely with the wrong companion?

The choice is ours.

Rodica

 

https://www.proventherapy.com/Rodica

 

How To Tell Everything about a Man on a First Date

How To Tell Everything about a Man on a First Date.

Internet Dating- A Woman’s Perspective. The Man from Ghana!

Internet dating is the way of the future, no doubt about it! However, we each have our own stories, and what follows is written to both entertain and alert “soul mate” seekers to the reality of what could happen, it does not mean it will happen to you. I know several internet dating stories which ended in “they happily lived ever after.”

This, as all stories on my blog, is true.

I was married twice, two long relationships, and raised a family. The third time around I was determined to use all that I know went wrong in my previous relationships, and turn mistakes into lif lessons.

For starters, I listened to all sensible advice and didn’t “jump” into another relationship, to repeat the pattern.  A very healthy attitude, to know yourself first, to discover what was your part in failed past relationships. In short to  turn past mistakes  into valuable life lessons. The ultimate goal: a happy relationship, as perceived by both partners!

In the process of taking a break, I become comfortable with my own company, the flexibility singlehood offered, the unconditional love of y dogs, the fun I had with my friends, even when I didn’t wear make up!

This in-between relationships period went on for a while, and I had to be told directly by people who love e, that I needed to get my act together and get a partner! 

The reasons why I should, were diverse, ranging from, no sex toy matches a real man, to wiser advice, such as, ” You must get a partner, if you get a cold, who will give you an Aspirin?!!”

I was thinking more in terms of cuddle, walking together, travel… and of course intimacy. However,  the Aspirin argument propelled me in the internet dating jungle again!

Once I signed up for one service, many other services got my profile, and I was bombarded with tantalizing  emails from Match.com, PetPeople (a site where most people don’t have pets, or they died long ago– the pets, I mean!), etc.

On a daily basis, I  received “winks,” “flirts,” “he chose YOU!!! WOW- great news,” HE is waiting for a reply! Click, click. I tried to reply! Oh, I couldn’t BEFORE I paid, generally $24.00 a month, but $14.00 if I was lucky and a “special was offered by the site.

Now that I was a legit “member,” I could check the potential partners’ emails.

Mostly, it turned out, these men were emailing a form letter, probably to several potential “soul mates,” at once.  

 Most times, I was clear-minded enough, to get it, especially, if I responded with a detailed email and he  wink back! Writing takes time and if “the soul mat” wrote to 50 women, chances are he will not have the time to  personalize the response to each of the hopeful. The other sign, that I might have been part of a hopeful group, was if his responses were addressed not to my name, but : “Hi Honey, sweetheart, dear, sugar…etc.” Very safe indeed, why risk to use the wrong name?

Propelled by everyone’s hints that if I don’t even try, to find a partner, than for sure I need to see a therapist (which I was  already  but no one knew about it!) I started to consider my options…

I opted for Chemistry.com. Why? Because the “matches were made by Dr. Fisher, a famous anthropologist whose works I admired. I paid, I wrote a “sincere” profile,  posted a recent picture and the winks,  flirts,  emails started to come in…

Wow, I thought, this IS the real thing!

After a few days, I  became interested in one particular Profile. Let’s call him Jim. Jim was in my age group, of European descent, his wife died a few years back and he posted a picture of himself with his two orphan daughters and a dog! Oh! Imagine my eagerness to respond to this man’s email, although he called me “dear,” I overlooked THAT flag because he was just too good looking to be a crook! I imagined how I was going to meet him and the girls, and  their dog and may be at some point cook them a hot meal! Poor dears, the wife and mother had died!

Quickly, the budding relationship progressed to emails. I had enough brains left to give him an email address allocated ONLY to junk mail and internet dating.

He pushed for Yahoo Instant Messenger! I could not install it, which propelled the “relationship further,” to telephone conversations!

He called me first and his voice sounded shaky… older than the age he stated… hmm may be not! He had an accent and so do I. Of course, we were BOTH from Europe! We bonded over our accents!

 Soon, he was texting or calling me twice a day: “Good morning honey! How was your day, sweetheart! Oh! We have a soul connection, This is meant to be!”

I was in Heaven! Then, I asked how old were his daughters, and he said 18 and 22…

The girls in the picture looked 10 and 12! No, I am too suspicious. Really!

After a few weeks, he asked me to “pray for him, because he bid on a contract and if he gets it,” we will ALL be rich! The prospects seemed tempting! I was already imagining myself in an informal off white dress, a low key wedding, since we were both married previously, and I was not a virgin, to dare wearing white. I  started to prayed with all my might, even lit candles.   Every night!

“It worked!” he announced after a few days: “Honey, your prayers worked, I was awarded the contract thanks to your prayers!”

I was overwhelmed by such newly discovered powers that I possessed and could use to make  contracts be awarded to whomever I chose!

All along, based on his profile, I thought he had a Construction Company but when I searched for his profile, to “refresh” my memory, the Profile was gone from the dating site!!!

I asked him, and  he said he took it off line because HE KNEW I WAS THE ONE!!!

Now, honestly, how flattering was this!? I bought the explanation because a woman’s ego is as great as a man’s!

A few days after he was awarded the contract he announced he must leave the country and go to Brazil! To Brazil? “Are you buying lumber, for your construction company?” I asked.

Lumber???? No, no lumber! He was going to buy GOLD!!!! LOTS OF GOLD!!! And if Brazil didn’t have ENOUGH gold for him, he will go to Ghana, Africa!  To fulfill the terms of the “contract awarded thanks to  my prayers!”

It all made sense. So… he left! An overnight flight and as soon as he arrived somewhere in Brazil, he called ME!!! His soul mate!  The caller ID read: UNKNOWN NUMBER… and he explained he was in some hotel, missing me soooo much, he couldn’t stop calling me long distance, because, what the heck, who cares about money when is real love!

At times he was fearful, did I speak with other men? Was I faithful? (To him, whom I never met…) I kept looking at the handsome Nordic looking guy’s picture, I was smart enough to “save” in my file before the profile vanished, and if I had any doubts at all, they disappeared when I looked (with my reading glasses) into his deep, dark blue eyes -in the picture!

After two days of “meetings” in Brazil, he told me that they couldn’t provide all the gold he needed, so, he had to go to Ghana! Ghana? I searched and discovered the company which he should have visited, was not in Ghana, but in South Africa! ONLY the mines were in Ghana!

I broke the news to my soul mate, but he insisted he was going to Ghana anyway! He will call me as soon as he got there, in Ghana, Africa!

Love hadn’t blinded me completely, and at that point, I called my cell phone provider to check IF I received ANY long distance calls. The customer service gal assured me I didn’t…

Yet, here he was, calling me from Ghana and this time a Ghana phone exchange and phone number SHOWED on my caller ID!

He was happy, what a great idea he went to Ghana! Gold was very cheap there and he expected to make lots of money and cover me, the woman of his dreams, in gold! After all, it was happening thanks to the power of my payers!

The twice a day calls from Ghana continued for another two days, then on a third day he told me he was “running out of money,” he was soooo close to closing the deal, and he didn’t think the shipment was going to be THAT expensive! He sounded sad. He was worried. I was empathetic. Encouraging. Offered MORE prayers. He said he asked a “friend from Maryland” to loan him money… but the hope was slim.

Yeah… realyl slim! I searched, in Google, not Bing, which keeps popping up on my computer, and discovered that for less than $3.00 a month, one could purchase an international forward phone calls plan. What that meant in “translation,” was that my soul mate could have called me from his basement anywhere in the U.S. but if he had purchased the international call forward plan, on my cell’s caller id it would show any country. In our case, 233, the Ghana exchange.

He called back again. He was heart broken. The friend from Maryland couldn’t help…

Such a shock!

“Honey, sugar… whatever, ” I said. “I have a solution to your problem!”

The tone of his voice changed abruptly, from hopelessness to interest: OH???? Tell me, dear, I knew you’d save me!”

“Well,” I asked, ” Are you married?”

“Married? Oh, no, how could I even THINK he was married when I was clearly his soul mate!!!”

He was excessively hurt by my question. I apologized. He accepted and I continued disclosing my wicked solution to his shipment problem:

“Sugar,” I said, “I know you love me, but hey, business is business. Why don’t you marry a rich woman from Ghana and I’m sure she’ll pay for the gold’s shipment and more!”

He started to stutter with indignation:

“Hhhooow…. cooolllddd I bb..e so crrrueell?” He still loved me but he hang up so he could recover from the shock of me being so logical and cold, and all business. All lemon, when he thought I was honey and sugar!

I thought this was the end of it, but to my surprise, he called back again. When the call came in, still from Ghana, I was with friends, trying to tell them the story. My girlfriend answered his call and for a good few minutes he spoke with her, thinking it was me. Then, confused, he hang up, to only call back again, minutes later! This time, we thought the introduction of a male “sugar,” will do the trick and stop the calls. My girlfriend’s husband answered on my cell, and told the man from Ghana:” This is Agent X. This phone has been confiscated! How could I help you?”

The man from Ghana hang up!

We all thought that was the end of another internet romance going sour.

A week later, the man from Ghana, contacted me again via email. Translation: he went from his Ghana basement to his living room or another room in the house in the U.S. (this is an assumption, because he could have been anywhere in the world!)

In his email, he confessed to me that he was confused,  the whole “relationship we had, was a NEW one on him!” (I bet!) He continued by saying that “mysteriously ALL our back and forth emails disappeared from the history of his computer! He didn’t understand… WHO WAS I, really ?”

I left my laptop opened to HIS email to answer a call. When I came back to it, within minutes, the email was no longer in my in box. It disappeared!!!!

The same day, I received an email from y email provider. Their security service noticed “suspicious activity to my account,” and strongly suggested I change my pass word, which I did. I, In fact, I changed my phone number too.

Just in case my prayers weren’t THAT powerful and The Man from Ghana was going to haunt me again!

The stories on this blog are all true and written from my personal perspective. If certain misfortunes happened to me, it does not mean they will happen to others. Stay tuned for more truth be told:)

 

https://www.proventherapy.com/Rodica-347.html