OVERWHELMED!!! How to “overwhelm,” feeling “overwhelmed.”

Who hasn’t felt overwhelmed?

Perhaps, at times, we are so overwhelmed, we don’t recognize it. As a popular saying states, “we can’t SEE the forrest because of the trees!” We are in The picture, how could we SEE it? We are too close!

How do we define overwhelmed?  Honestly, as with everything else, perception is WHAT defines this emotion, as well.

I would describe such a feeling as lack of direction. When I feel there is so much food on my plate, I simply cannot eat it all, nor do I know where to start, but I must and am confused and feel helpless!

Common sense would tell me to start with the healthy foods and either eat less or not at all, the unhealthy ones. WHAT about everything is healthy and necessary?

How would the above statement translated to our lives?

DO WHAT is vital for your life, THE NEEDS, First, and leave the “wants” last.

Prioratize in writing. Scientific Research determined that if we write our worries, we become less worried.

At times, it might be hard to SEE the difference between “needs,” and “wants.” Here are a few examples:

I know it’s boring, but for most people, needs are: a roof over our heads, clothing in agreement with the season, food, basic cleaning supplies for self and our home.

Paying our utilities, electricity, water, gas, phone, are also needs on my list. Having enough money to pay them, would definitely make me feel less overwhelmed. Let’s continue our list of priorities, needs and wants.

Health is a huge priority for me, as without Health one has nothing! Unfortunately, if one doesn’t have good Health Insurance, one is doomed at looking from the outside at the many new, life-saving drugs and procedures which are not available without good insurance.

In fact, currently, Medicare is in the process of ” experimenting”  trying to determine what’s good for ITS members,  a decision which, in my opinion, should be yours and your doctors!

Good Insurance premiums ( Health, car, homeowners or renters)  are all boring priority! In fact, if we review the list, everything in the needs list is boring, absolutely necessary and requires MONEY!!! Also, all of these needs are FIX expenses! By the time we pay the fix expenses and get to food, another NEED, we might feel so overwhelmed, we might give up or throw up!

This is  a choice…

I will go on:)

After we are done prioratizing our needs, and assuming we have enough money left, there are many choices of wants.

Personally, I’d go for a massage and meeting a friend for a meal and most importantly, good company! I’d invest in some good essential oils which help with anxiety. I’d schedule walks with a friend, three times a week! WOW! Please note this is FREE, but you must buy the shoes!

At last… But not least, BREATHE!!!

This post is just touching the surface of discussing a complex emotion, which affects many of us.

As most of you know, from writing to me on other topics, I write this blog as Community service. I don’t have the financial wealth to pay a Church 10 percent of  my income, if I did, my fix expenses would go unpaid… So helping others, around The WORLD, is my contribution.

Feel Free to write privately or comment.

“Ask and you shall receive” an answer from me:)

Rodica Mihalis, M.S.

Counseling and Clinical Psychology

Dating After You Turn 50!

Dating  in any age group could be a challenge.

Each age group seeks something else from a “potential” partner.

I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager, and as ALL teenagers I saw myself  immortal and knew it all, I ignored all the advice given to me by those that “knew.” I eloped and got married! What were my needs at 18? Definitely sexual, as now, I know enough  about the role hormones  in our love decisions. Then, I thought it was “love.” Now I know it was “lust.”

When I turned 30 I was  already divorced from the first “love of my life.”

In a new environment, I started dating and also reading every statistic in Women’s Magazines which assured me once a woman turned 30 her chances of finding a partner went down drastically. Hmm… bad news, but against the statistical odds, I re-married and we had two beautiful daughters. What were my needs at that time? I definitely knew I didn’t know it all, I also had different goals, such as having children with a trustworthy partner. Was sex still playing a great role? You bet! That’s how kids are conceived.

Years went by, the children grew up, the second “love of my life,” died, and here I was again, single and in my fifties…

Hmm… did I think I knew it all? No. Were my hormones raging to the point of confusing lust with love? No. Did I want to get pregnant and raise more children? Oh… well that would have been a miracle. No miracle happened.

On the other hand, after a few years of being by myself, and enjoying the company of my parrot and three dogs, I did consider starting to date again. What was I looking for?

Someone with a sense of humor, trustworthy and like-minded. Such as what? To like travel, shows and sometimes going out or having friends over. Oh! And to love  children and dogs. Yes, this was a requirement, as I don’t trust people who don’t like children and animals. Call me prejudiced.

I thought  this was a reasonable “wishful list,” as I was prepared to reciprocate everything I sought in a potential companion. I knew a good  relationship is a two-way street and I only travel on this “type” of streets.

And… where was I going to find these  “potential” men? I don’t go to bars, I don’t go to a church of single people… Thank God for internet dating sites, right?

I was soon to find out that the age groups I attracted were either much younger, looking for a “mama,” or someone to pay their bills, men my age who who were used to have sex on a first date, possibly in the back of a car, if it was spacious enough, or men 30 years older then me, who were on the verge of investing in the diaper industry.

After serious consideration, I gave up  looking for a male companion.

Why? Perhaps because I have learned valuable life lessons and  in my fifties I looked for a soul connection, rather than a “must” have partner to satisfy the sexual needs I had at 18, or the need to have children, a status and a husband if we are 30 and still seeking that perfect partner.

My personal conclusion is that we are wiser and deeper after fifty.

We know not only what we need from another, but what we could realistically offer to a  committed companion. We don’t have the need to get married or have children. In this age group the main need is for companionship, meaning and soul connection. Well, sex is a constant, in all age groups, but it gains a different meaning as we grow wiser, just as good wines get better with age.

Is it worth it to be selective? Which would you rather be? Alone, or rather “single,” with your friends, hobbies and pets, or not alone but lonely with the wrong companion?

The choice is ours.

Rodica

 

https://www.proventherapy.com/Rodica

 

DAMN THAT PIZZA!!!

My desire to date comes and goes like episodes of bipolar, the type easy to diagnose because the symptoms are so clear opposite of one another.  At times I felt on top of the world, happy,  ready to spend money I didn’t have but I was sure God will take care of all my needs. Other times, my sole desire was to have enough strength to dive in a hole deep and dark where I didn’t recall what I did… sleep, cry, shout to be left alone or to be helped?  All of the above? No one cared, anyway, and that was the  overwhelming feeling: No one cared! I didn’t exist, not even for myself! I DID NOT EXIST FOR MYSELF, I WAS THE SHADOW OF NOTHINGNEESS!!! The bottom of that dark endless hole is hard to reach and crawling out of it even more difficult.  For a change to occur, it does a miracle of God. So, I am here, writing, a miracle did pull me by the hear and threw me out from the dark hopeless. What I do once in the light, it will be MY CHOICE! and it will take perhaps many, not ONE  miracle!

The story I am about to share has as a foundation that laughter is the BEST MEDICINE! Most of the story is true but parts are  slightly exaggerated to achieve my purpose and make us smile while learning.

This is a self diagnosis, or misdiagnosis, but this is a TRUE story and because it happened to me, I will NOT sue myself fro disobeying the privacy law. 

In this story I was in the “high” part’  of the illness where my qualities burst out of control: stunning, smart, l I was strong, I had superpowers, and don’t you tell me that  all those men weren’t lining up to offer me luxury trip on Carnival lines! I

  know  your game, YOU are JEALOUS!!! and have plenty of reasons!  At least be nice on the inside!

In one of this super-woman states, when flying was just the normal way I went from point A to point B, I decided to spread the good news  of my supernatural powers and signed up on an internet dating service. Why keep the good news to  myself, wouldn’t that be selfish, a trait a despise with all my heart???!!!

Generosity, a feature  I admire and hope to achieve To offer and give someone I don’t know and perhaps, I’d still like that mother taught me to say,  “thank you.!” If the world would me my personal estate, I will share it with the needy. And this is NOT a joke or illusion! It is the truth and I think of it daily!.

Oh, but let’s go back to a more realistic situation for $19.95 a month. Internet dating! Finding my soul mate Make the worlk a better place together! Why not? I filled in the application to the internet site, I thought that perhaps, in the process I might find an equally super-man, and together we will change the world to be a better place.

With all these philanthropic thoughts on my agenda, I met the possible man of my dreams for a first date.

Now, I must confess that everything had a limit, even miracles! As our wise Romanian saying goes “God helps those that help themselves.” Yes, I was trusting, but I still met my “prospect” at 2 PM in a café or a public place. Yes I knew he couldn’t have been a criminal because why would God send a criminal my way? However, who knew, in today’s world I felt hackers could hack everyone’ s laptop. Why not be careful? So with this in mind, before my date,  I still  asked a girlfriend to call me 15 minutes into the date and if there was no answer, chances were I was DEAD. No way I’d kiss passionately a stranger I knew after 15 minutes.  Everyone knew the ethics I follow, and that I was not that desperate,  Never lost my head to THAT extend…. hmm  it would be nice!  

In this specific case, all went according to plan (the boring, safe one). He was tall, a little unshaven, but  acceptable for 2 PM in a Pizza Place. Most importantly, he didn’t smell! 

We went into a Pizza Place and sat down.We ordered. He  spoke first. Three slices with everything on them. You name: onions, olives, mushrooms, sausage,,, you name it, it  on his pizza! I appreciated a man who knew his mind. He knew what he wanted. A rare quality! he was a man with an appetite and wasn’t hiding it!  It showed self confidence! No lies!  That and good sex are dreams of my life and he had both (I assumed the second)  Internet dating at work! But oh, well,  some of us,  learn slowly. Some very slowly or ever… you guess, that’s me.

I ordered one slice and a glass of water. I didn’t want to make a  bad impression, to order to much on a first date and assuming he would pay, I wanted to avoid any embarrassment. Oh! And I ate slowly with my mouth closed.

The appetizing slices arrived and he bit into his with a hard to believe hunger of… life, of pizza, of everything! God how I loved a man, man, who doesn’t use utensils or a Kleenex to wipe off  saliva lingering down his unshaven cheeks. A dream come true for a woman on  first date!

As I was eating  slowly, contemplating details of this scene and his hunger of life, , wishing it will never end, trying to memorize every detail for eternity, my date’s  face turned pale, actually blue, and it became bluer and bluer! He signaled the international language of “I am choking!”

Oh my God, my date was choking and here was the opportunity for me to show MY super power or be faced with a dead date!.

It can’t be, I thought, this is some kind of trick to see if I have a good heart. I wasn’t going to go for it! No way!

Meanwhile, a  bunch less septic  of good Samaritans  who were probably doctors, or t least took a First Aide Course at their kids school came to the rescue. In a matter of seconds, one of them did  the maneuver and before I know it, the date   spit  a  half- chewed-pizza bite from his sensuous  mouth right on top on my single pizza slice, so be it!! Now, how intimate was this? Close to a French kiss minus the tongue!!! on MY PLATE! How romantic was this ?  Who cared? He was breathing !Let’s face it, it beat death!

Abruptly, the dreamy scene STOPPED. His eyes starred into nothingness…I wonder what did he see??  Imagining that it was my face the last thing he would have seen before death??? Hmm couldn’t be, he looked scarred!

“Oh!!!  My tooth!” He screamed, at last!!! ” The bastards broke my  FRONT  tooth  when I bit into their damn pizza crust I want the manager! Where is the manager???”

Now everyone looked at us. The person next to us said he changed his mind… he’d  rather have something softer.”!

The owner arrived, all sweaty. The louder my date spoke, the softer did the owner. The date took the tooth the proof,” out of the pizza bite, and took it with him as proof of the crime and  what an unprofessional this place was!

The owner was now whispering and  he barely heard, offered the dissatisfied customer, my toothless date, the cost of fixing the tooth. He wanted MORE. Who was he (the owner, kidding) he ruined the toothless date’s life???

This was a first date with a beautiful woman (me)  explained the toothless date, (Imagine if they would have known about my magical powers, the price would have doubled). My head was spinning making calculations, and I am NOT good at math, still the numbers were hard to even grasp!! Suddenly that pizza slice caused my self-esteem to  go UP through the roof!!! My Goodness, was I valuable!

My head started spinning. I felt out of place. I didn’t even remember what happened. I just wanted  I wanted to be OUT!!!

Next, I saw, were the toothless date smiling a toothless smile and shaking hands with a very happy Pizza Place owner:

“Yes Sir,” said the owner,” you just bring the dentist bill to me and we’ll take care of it!” Yes, Sir, you’re right the crust is….How about if next time you take her  (ME!!!)  to …  and he names some fancy restaurant, and it’s on US!!!”

They shook hands again, as  we were leaving. Half the way out, my date turns as if he forgot something, and says to the cashier:

 “Do  me a favor, take the rest of the pizza and wrap it to go!  That was one good pizza I” take it hoe!”

I stepped out  ahead of him and as I was getting into my car, the toothless date  caught up with me. He reached me from behind and asked:

“No next date….?”

In all truth, it took all my imaginary powers to not knock out the rest of his teeth!

 

IMPORTANT This is a story whose purpose is entertainment and not medical advice. If you feel that you need medical help please call 911 and/or have someone drive you to the emergency room if it’s around the corner from your home.. DO NOT call your Mom, sister or husband, friend across country to ask them what to do. They will advise you to call 911 immediately.

: Bipolar is a treatable mental condition and millions live well with it. There are medications and therapy which indeed make miracles.

If someone suffers of bipolar chances are the person is also extremely intelligent. They are imaginative and artistic, to name just two of the  qualities.

The combination of  talk therapy and the correct medication does wonders.

In most cases the symptoms are generally  not as well defined and there are many grey areas. It is essential to STAY on medications. If some of you wish me to write a post on BIPOLAR itself, please just drop me  line and I will. That is also true for any subjects YOU are interested in. I will share what I know, research what I don’t and together we will be better and smarter!

There is too much sadness in our lives and throughout my writings, no matter how serious they are, I try to keep a sense of humor present, so that we obey by one of our rules: Laughter is the BEST Medicine.

Have a good weekend everyone, let’s try to keep our sense of humor because as wise people say,   “laughter IS, the best therapy.”

Please, no matter how funny it seems to others,  NEVEVER  make fun oft someone else who suffers from any condition, It is NOT fun to them.

If you wish to make fun, make fun of something YOU suffer. You could make fun of yourself but not others.

May God allow  us smile for a moment and teach us that nothing is hopeless and the right medications and type of counseling, indeed do magic!

Thank you for continuing to read our versatile blog. It mimic LIFE!!! Just life in real life we will laugh together, cry together and learn a LOT in the process. Please always share and ask. We are on this journey, called life, together.

  Rodica Mihalis, M.S. Counselor online https://www.proventherapy.com/Rodica